Future Coder

Half his life is gone in a blur. Time I won’t get back, but in some ways got to experience more fully because we were all home. Two years spent more or less together all of the time. The three of us side by side, at the mercy of the needs of our team. His formative years surrounded by the vocabulary of our tech jobs and transportation terminology. He’s been there in the background for most of our meetings, even stealing the spotlight with some toddler level insight a time or two.

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Working. Parent.

I wasn’t prepared to hold both these titles simultaneously. But here we are. And I’m doing my best at juggling them both.

Whenever I daydreamed as a child it was for two different visions of what life might look like. Either I wanted to be just like my dad and work with computers ever day, or just like my mom, patiently teaching us at home and helping us grow. As a member of a single-income household, it didn’t cross my mind as an option to be a working (outside-the-home) mother. That life, in a way, chose me.

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Finding Our Way Together

If there’s an image that sums up my motherhood, in all it’s messy beauty and simplicity, it might be this one.

Me and my son, walking hand in hand through the mud and towards an open way for us to create our own path. Sometimes him leading, sometimes me. Both of us barefoot and breathing in the experience. A little dirty from sitting with our feelings. A little eager for what’s ahead.

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Where Has The Time Gone?

Has anybody seen my baby? I think he’s around here somewhere, but I can’t seem to find him lately.

It feels like just yesterday that he turned two and suddenly, here we are, six months later with a walking, talking little explorer. He’s always on the move, especially when we go outside. Indoors, he wants to be doing whatever we’re doing. Sitting in my lap while I’m trying to work. Sitting at the counter while we cook. Sitting in the laundry while I fold it. He’s growing up to be such a helper.

I joke. But I still feel this little bit of nostalgia for the baby days. I lived in such a blur during that time, it feels like I never really got to enjoy them before, “poof,” they’re gone. Replaced by these sweet, sweet moments of watching his personality bloom.

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