For the past four years of motherhood I’ve identified as a working mom. I spent two years on the hamster wheel of commuting drop-offs and pick-ups, pumping breaks and packing lunches. Those years broke me in many ways until I started building in ways for us to rest and to bond as a family.
The next two years were the work from home chaos of trying to parent through a series of childcare disruptions. The first several months I tried to be the martyr and sent my husband to a quiet room while I rangled a two year old alone. As I felt myself burning out I took my first SAHM PTO, time off not to do anything but mother. What was supposed to be a break almost broke me again. All the pressure to make up for not giving my son attention during the work week came welling up, along with the guilt about asking for rest because I wasn’t the one working at the time.
Thankfully I have a partner who could talk me out of those limiting beliefs. We rearranged life again so we could both take turns doing kid duty. We invested in co-working with childcare to get us out of the house, even moved in with my parents for a few months. It was manageable again. But it reinforced the feeling that I am not built for mothering alone.
The past three weeks of being the primary parent has been such an amazing gift. A breath of fresh air when so many others are drowning after the holidays. I wish I could say I was drinking it in, but even without the deadlines and meetings of a job, I’m still feeling my attention pulled in a million directions. I love my child, but parenting is hard work!
My deepest desire is to take the time to do both. To slow down and parent the way I’ve always imagined, but also be able to step away from endless Duplo builds and Hot wheels races and do things that matter to me. And all mothers deserve to do the same, regardless of whether there’s a paycheck to back up the value of your work or not.
All moms are working moms. It’s time for all of us to act like it.